Someone should have told Wolfmother that Minus The Bear already had the furry vote.
Offenders – Fleet Foxes, Wolf Parade, AIDS WOLF, Deerhunter, Arctic Monkeys, Grizzly Bear, Deer Tick. . . .
Any name I could make by slamming my elbows into the keyboard ain’t a name, Sailor; it’s shit.
Offenders – Opeth, Loits, Mezzerschmitt, Myrkgrav, Vaakevandring, Riul Doamnei
Note: Black Metal bands also have a lovely reputation of designing highly illegible and confusing fonts.
Double Word / Repeaters
Purposefully naming your band the same word twice makes me think of someone with a stutter or someone so uncreative they just go: “How ’bout the same word again?”
Offenders – Mother Mother, Money Money, Talk Talk, Mr.Mister, Tapes ‘n’ Tapes, Timber Timbre (not exactly the greatest example, since the two are in fact different words, but a shitty name is still just that)
Note: A pass is granted to Duran Duran, as it’s a slight Barbarella reference.
Those that are Unpronounceable
I’m no genius, but if I was trying to break into the music business and book some gigs, I’d try picking something that is simple for the rest of the schlubs out there to pronounce. I mean, that’s great that you named your group after a 900-year-old African tribe, but that doesn’t make me want to pay you money for music.
Offenders – !!!, Sigur Ros, Autechre, Ke$ha, Dan Dananananaykroyd
Apocalyptic Viking Imagery (usually God-awful hard-rock/black metal)
It’s 2012, not 1540, so there is no need to keep the ‘tongue of yore’ intact.
Offenders usually have the following words in their name: Against, Until, Blood / Bleed / Bled, Death / Die / Dying, Thine / Thy, Chasm, Chamber, Flesh, or Temple, and package their albums with dead trees, birds, blood spatters, and winter themes for an extra shot of fun!
Naming your Band after an Already Existing Book / Film (that usually ends up puking on the legacy of the author/director)
Book Offenders – As I Lay Dying (good book, awful band), They Shoot Horse Don’t They?, Of Mice and Men (Ditto to both)
Film Offenders – Mudhoney, Big Country, Save Ferris
The Colour Black
Black is a great rock and roll colour because it fits so nicely into the wardrobe of rockers everywhere – it can go with a bottle of Jack (amber), an eight-ball of coke (white) and red (blood from the bouncers head).
Offenders – Black Angels, Black Keys, Black Crowes, Black Halos, Black Lungs, Big Black, Black Lips, Black Kids, Black Veil Brides, Black Mountain, Black Flag, Black Moon. . . .